So I am sitting here thinking haven’t had a ‘job’ in almost a year and a half now. That feels good. My room is a mess. I don’t care. I’ve spent all morning in bed reading and working on some new ideas and bloody hell I’m eeek almost 30! That is the only thing right now that scares and annoys me. They say that from the ages of 28 to 30 Saturn is in the exact same spot as when you were born. So this makes it most important time of your life because you re-organise your life.
A time of endings but also new beginnings. For me, I usually find ending phases in my life a bit unsettling and even painful sometimes but as soon as the new chapter in my life begins, I feel quite happy and everything kind of falls into place most of the time.
Lately I have found that I tend to turn inwards and reflect on what has been going on in my life. In general I am quite happy but I am terrified of turning 30.
It does make me feel better to think of my friends that are already 30 and see how happy, young, energetic and vibrant they still are. They have embraced their 30s and said Bring it on!! Me.. not so much. I am still scared.
Turning 30 in my head kind of marks the end of youth!! Nooo.. this means the beginning of ‘productive’ adult years.. But guess what. I want to stay in my youth!
I am also feeling some sort of sense of urgency, like a feeling that I have to hurry up and finish everything I have started and accomplish everything I have ever wanted or designed to do when painting the big picture of my life.
Even though I have already accomplished many things, I still have this hurry the f up feeling.
Also lately I have just been on a 3 month trip to Thailand so I could get away from everything on my own and think. Then I came back to Melbourne Australia where I have been living for about 4 years now. I have realized how little stuff I actually need or want. I was traveling with the smallest backpack ever and that felt great. More and more I want to have the minimum amount of material things. Not just things, also of people I don’t need in my life. It seems I am getting rid of and freeing my life of everything that is not relevant to what I really am as a human being.
Turning 30, for me sucks because I don’t know if I am coming or going. I am divided and uncertain between a a compelling urge to fling off everything banded together with my past and an equally flipped out need to cling to everything in my life that is familiar.
In the last year, I quit my job, started a new company, went traveling around the world, slept on various friends’ couches, had some good times and a few bad time. And now, I am very content with where I am living. I love all my friends and I should be sweet. They why am I fearing turning 30 so bad? Everything in my life is fine.
I think this Saturn Return stuff is driving me a bit loopy. One minute I am getting rid of everything in my room and the next minute I am quite satisfied with everything being on the floor.
I wonder if everyone goes through this when they are about to turn 30.
They say that when Saturn Returns to the original place it was when you were born, it is a bit troubling and discomforting, ultimately it reveals what you truly want and sweeps away the clutter that may have been hindering and obstructing your life unfolding and advancement.
So turning 30 can be a good thing because all of a sudden, everything should be more clear. Get rid of that crap in your life you don’t need and move onto something bigger and better.
When you turn 30 and Saturn Returns, it seems is one of the most crucial turning points you ever experience, when you assume the greatest responsibility of all: responsibility for your own life.
err.. responsibility..